The past two weeks, my apartment has had the worst internet connection in the history of the world.  If you listen closely, you can hear the faint sound of archaic telephone models beeping, whirring, and rejoicing.  Today, after much prayer and a desperate deadline of mine, the internet has worked for nearly four hours--a record time.  So right now, I'm going to give you a crash course on all the things that have been going through my head this past week so you xanga stalkers (just kidding) can get an update.

My life apparently revolves around the internet.  I already knew this, but I didn't like that my connection (harhar) was tested.  Checking all the necessary stuff (like my supervisors' tons of emails a week) during class and when on campus has been hell.

I had my midterm performance review in practicum today.  I thought it was going to be a stellar review, since all I've gotten so far is compliments, "amazing!"s, "incredible!", and some minor things to work on.  This morning I felt like I got beat over the head with constructive criticism.  She said, "You shouldn't have had to ask me so many questions.  You could have figured it out by looking through your binder...You need to be more professional about planning...etc."  I was really hurt by the professionalism comment because in previous sites, I've gotten huge praises for my professionalism.  Another reason I thought that my review would go very well is because I've been showing up to practicum early and leaving late, so that I can review and get a lot of work done.  I know that a lot of what she said was good constructive criticism, and she is totally right to "prepare me for the real world," but I just felt so taken aback and offended by all of these comments thrown in at once.  It was tastefully given with praise, too, but I just felt so inadequate and disappointed in myself.  Speech therapy is what I love and my skills and my patients have been huge factors in what keeps me going, but for the first time I thought, what the hell am I doing?!  We just started picking up the speed in responsibilities, and I was feeling overwhelmed already!  Anyway, I'm just going to stop there.  Let's just say that today was horrible and all the things she said before therapy started left me terrified and deeply depressed all day.

I've been so tired for a long time now.  I am getting more sleep now at my apartment, but I guess it isn't enough.  Maybe my new bed it just too darn comfortable and my body just never wants to wake up.

My finals are next week.  I totally thought that they were in two weeks.  Can you say FREAK OUT?!  I usually take off work the week of finals, but since it's already next week I feel like a jerk, taking myself off the schedule so late.

This past weekend with friends was really great.  We had so many people going to Austin I thought it would be stressful, but it really wasn't (as much)!  I did get a little stressed because I was one of the main drivers and a lot of the places we went to I had never been to and my navigators had never been to.  But I had fun and made nice memories.

One sorry truth that I learned last weekend was that the tiniest bit of sadness weighing upon my mind results in my inability to drink responsibly.  This is the second time this has happened, I am sad to say.  )At least that I was around all the people I feel safe with.  That is very important.)  I think I am the only one I know that gets this terribly ashamed of getting drunk.  (Not for you to be TOO alarmed---I am nowhere near an alcoholic.)  Maybe it helps that I never forget a thing that happened and I am always coherent.  Let's not do that ever again.  Know sadness, no alcohol.  New motto.

The remainder of my best girl friends are leaving, and it's got me missing them already.  Joanne and Kat are moving to Austin and Sophia is moving to College Station for med school.  Joanne and Sophia are my Bible study girls, too, so I will miss them all the more.  What will I do without them?  Close friendships maintained over long distances are never as close as you want them to be.  (Hope that made sense to you.)

    

I haven't written in a while, mostly because I've been busy moving into the new apartment and my practicum has been running full-force, in which I'm writing notes, personally giving individual therapy, and leading the classroom.  Besides that, the Internet at the apartment has been on the fritz.  That and the dryer which doesn't really dry much of everything.  The light bulb in my room went out this morning.  Ordinarily, I would just go ahead and buy a bulb and replace it, but it's the apartment's job to fix it and I just started using that light!  Everything that goes wrong in this place just makes me appreciate my house and my dad more and more.

I officially moved in on Saturday.  My mom and I bought a full-size mattress and box spring on Friday.  Everyone asks if I have a bed frame, yet but no I don't.  Maybe with the next paycheck I'll just get something cheap, no frills.  And if I'm really ambitious and creative, I'll build my own headboard.

For all my complaints, I am really happy here.  I've gotten a chance to really hang out with my roommates, Saerom and Allison, and I feel really blessed because they are great!  Plus, they love Biggie!  They are pretty laid back and Allison is especially nice because she usually gets home before me and she doesn't mind taking Biggie out for me.  I was really apologetic and abashedly grateful at first, but she doesn't seem to mind at all (she's always grown up with dogs) and Biggie is probably whining at her the second she gets home anyway.  Once we get all the necessary items for our apartment, it will really start feel like a comfortable home, I think (despite/and including all the kinks).

It's actually pretty funny--the things we have in excess and the things that we are missing.
Things that we are missing: dining table and chairs, coffee table, sponges, kitchen towels, trashcan, sufficient plates, sufficient silverware, knives, and cookie sheets.
Things that we have a lot of: shot glasses, martini glasses, margarita glasses, beer glasses/steins, wine and champagne glasses, wire wisks, measuring spoons, measuring cups, brita pitchers, and those plastic cups you get for free from restaurants and college orientations.
We've got our priorities straight, don't we???

In other news, I'm excited about this weekend!  I'm driving with Errol, Nicolo, and Keith to Austin tomorrow after I get out of class, and Jenny, Lemon, Ganda, and Chris are driving from Houston.  We have some other friends driving in on Friday and hopefully I'll get to meet up with Joanne and Jess there, too.  Tons of people, which could be stressful, but I'm hoping for the best.

I'll update more later, hopefully with some pictures of my apartment once everything looks great and in its place!  There's lots of things going on, not just with me, but with my friends too.  Seems that everyone is in need of prayers, prayers of thanks and request prayers.  Have a wonderful Independence weekend, readers!

Today, I made the sad discovery of finding crumbs in the little cracks between my laptop keys.  Ridiculous! I'm going to blame my brother, who likes to use my computer when he's on the couch and watching TV.  Or perhaps Biggie, who likes to lay his head on my laptop in order to get my attention or my food.
Whoops.

More later.  I've been a little stressed with some stuff lately, but most of all, studying for my test.  So, hand on my heart (and on my crummy/crumby keyboard! hahah puns are funs.), I promise to not blog again until my test is completed Tuesday afternoon!

G'bye, friends.

Today was the Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale.  That meant my mom and I bought dresses, a hoodie, sweatpants, swimsuits (like I don't have enough already!)---oh, and underwear.  I tried my swimsuit on once I got home, and I can't believe I let my mom sucker me into buying it ("Karen! It's only six dollars!) because it was possibly the Tiniest Bikini In The World.  Better save my receipt!

It was so nice to shop with my mom again since we haven't done that in a long time.  We both missed it.  (My dad, probably not so much.)  I've also missed having weekday lunches with my mom.  Since she works 12-hour shifts as a nurse, she usually has 2-4 days off every week.  But ever since I entered grad school, every hour of the day is dedicated to work, practicum, or class.  I usually eat my lunch in the car between commitments or at work, before I leave for class.  It was great chatting with her today.  We talked about the movie Up, which I watched with friends and she watched with my aunt.  We discussed our favorite parts and, of course, admitted that we cried at the exact same moments ("I'm tearing up right now, just thinking about it!" "Me too!"). 

Lately I've been doing a lot of looking back---at my family and my home, in particular.  Despite all the ups and downs of my life changes and roommate/apartment fake-outs, I've realized that I do like living at home.  I love my parents terribly, and we have always been close.  They don't always say or do the right thing, but they always try to be the best parents they can be.  I remember hearing my parents' pastor say in a sermon, "I know you can't choose your parents, but I'm so glad God chose mine."  I think that's how I feel about my mom and dad.  They do the sweetest things, like take my dog potty when they know I'm studying or if it's late at night "just to be safe."  When I'm the saddest of sad, my parents can't ever seem to choose the best words but they'll show their love by taking me out for a mother-daughter mani-pedi or demanding that we go to Olive Garden (because my dad thinks Olive Garden cures all pains) for dinner.  My dad still insists on giving me allowance, even though I told him it's not necessary.  Of course, then he also insists that give him a kiss on the cheek when he gives me money, even if it's in front of the cashier at Taco Bell.  When I think about how loving and generous my parents are, sometimes I get a little embarrassed because I know how spoiled my brother and I are.

For all my reminiscing, I had to thank my mom today for all the support she and dad are giving me in moving out.  Although I'm paying for my rent, groceries, utilities, tuition, and textbooks, my parents are still covering my car insurance and health insurance.  (And when you've got my health, paying for insurance is huge.)  I know that a lot of parents operate under the idea that "if you move out of my house, then you take care of yourself and your expenses 100%."  I understand that view and I can see that is fair---which is why I am just so thankful for my parents.  They know that moving out is something that I want (and perhaps something that I need), and even though they'll miss me and even though it's not the most cost-efficient way for a grad student like me to live, they'll let me go because this transition is important to me.

It's weird that even though I'll only be living about 25 minutes away, I feel like I'm letting them go, too.  Ever since I tried to decide what college to go to for my undergrad, I've been worried about leaving my parents alone.  Though my parents have had a big part in shaping who I am, I have felt that I have been a big part of holding them together and cementing their relationship.  For years, I have worried about them and tried to be as obedient and stressless (not a word, I know) as possible just in case it made a difference in keeping them together forever. 
But I realize now, and through talking with my mom, that parents and spouses are different.  Mom will be Mom and Dad will be Dad.  And Love is Love, but Marriage is so much more than that.  I won't understand the dynamics of marriage until it happens to me, and I will never fully know the dynamics of them.  I can't stick around forever, but even if I could, nothing I could do would make the difference that they've made with each other these past 26 years.

I've been packing up a little every day.  I've lived in my house for all but the first of my 23 (and a half) years.  It is funny that there are so many things I never had the heart to throw or give away, but now that I am leaving, there are so many things that I don't desire to take along with me.

This is a song written and originally sung by Bob Dylan.  For some reason, I'm not always the biggest fan of his voice, but there's been tons of artists who have done a cover of this song (Garth Brooks, Adele, Billy Joel, to name a few).  Here's Kris Allen's (recent American Idol winner) cover.  Love this song so much...

"Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love