Today was the Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale. That meant my mom and I bought dresses, a hoodie, sweatpants, swimsuits (like I don't have enough already!)---oh, and underwear. I tried my swimsuit on once I got home, and I can't believe I let my mom sucker me into buying it ("Karen! It's only
six dollars!) because it was possibly the Tiniest Bikini In The World. Better save my receipt!
It was so nice to shop with my mom again since we haven't done that in a long time. We both missed it. (My dad, probably not so much.) I've also missed having weekday lunches with my mom. Since she works 12-hour shifts as a nurse, she usually has 2-4 days off every week. But ever since I entered grad school, every hour of the day is dedicated to work, practicum, or class. I usually eat my lunch in the car between commitments or at work, before I leave for class. It was great chatting with her today. We talked about the movie
Up, which I watched with friends and she watched with my aunt. We discussed our favorite parts and, of course, admitted that we cried at the exact same moments ("I'm tearing up right now, just thinking about it!" "Me too!").
Lately I've been doing a lot of looking back---at my family and my home, in particular. Despite all the ups and downs of my life changes and roommate/apartment fake-outs, I've realized that I do like living at home. I love my parents terribly, and we have always been close. They don't always say or do the right thing, but they always try to be the best parents they can be. I remember hearing my parents' pastor say in a sermon, "I know you can't choose your parents, but I'm so glad God chose mine." I think that's how I feel about my mom and dad. They do the sweetest things, like take my dog potty when they know I'm studying or if it's late at night "just to be safe." When I'm the saddest of sad, my parents can't ever seem to choose the best words but they'll show their love by taking me out for a mother-daughter mani-pedi or demanding that we go to
Olive Garden (because my dad thinks Olive Garden cures all pains) for dinner. My dad still insists on giving me allowance, even though I told him it's not necessary. Of course, then he also insists that give him a kiss on the cheek when he gives me money, even if it's in front of the cashier at
Taco Bell. When I think about how loving and generous my parents are, sometimes I get a little embarrassed because I know how spoiled my brother and I are.
For all my reminiscing, I had to thank my mom today for all the support she and dad are giving me in moving out. Although I'm paying for my rent, groceries, utilities, tuition, and textbooks, my parents are still covering my car insurance and health insurance. (And when you've got my health, paying for insurance is
huge.) I know that a lot of parents operate under the idea that "if you move out of my house, then you take care of yourself and your expenses 100%." I understand that view and I can see that is fair---which is why I am just so thankful for my parents. They know that moving out is something that I want (and perhaps something that I need), and even though they'll miss me and even though it's not the most cost-efficient way for a grad student like me to live, they'll let me go because this transition is important to me.
It's weird that even though I'll only be living about 25 minutes away, I feel like I'm letting them go, too. Ever since I tried to decide what college to go to for my undergrad, I've been worried about leaving my parents alone. Though my parents have had a big part in shaping who I am, I have felt that I have been a big part of holding them together and cementing their relationship. For years, I have worried about them and tried to be as obedient and stressless (not a word, I know) as possible just in case it made a difference in keeping them together forever.
But I realize now, and through talking with my mom, that parents and spouses are different. Mom will be Mom and Dad will be Dad. And Love is Love, but Marriage is so much more than that. I won't understand the dynamics of marriage until it happens to me, and I will never fully know the dynamics of them. I can't stick around forever, but even if I could, nothing I could do would make the difference that they've made with each other these past 26 years.
I've been packing up a little every day. I've lived in my house for all but the first of my 23 (and a half) years. It is funny that there are so many things I never had the heart to throw or give away, but now that I am leaving, there are so many things that I don't desire to take along with me.
Comments (2)
i enjoyed reading this karen!
you're a blessed person. there's no doubt in that =)
well said, dear karen. and yeah, i am tearing up right now. your parents are impossible NOT to love and adore! they have their quirks yes, but they have a lot of love to give. i, myself was (or should i say, am?) a recipient of that loving, and i cannot thank them enough. please let them know i miss them a whole lot...and yes, i want to let you know that i miss you, too. i know i am terrible in the keeping in touch department, but i always check your xanga and your facebook just to be sure i am still in touch with matters to pray for. i have new pix of francesca, btw...lemme see if i could upload them at facebook. earlobe you.