SomethingAboutKaren's Xanga

On My Resolve: My New Year's Goals for 2009

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 02:05:42 GMT

Learn guitar
Work out consistently--at least twice per week
Study more for grad school-- shot for a 4.0 GPA from now on
Be more aware of spending so I can save more
Move out
Forgiveness

Those were my goals for the year 2009. I opted for "goals" rather than "resolutions," because it seems more daunting to not meet something you resolved to do rather than something you aspired to do, don't you think? I actually glanced a look at these goals sometime in June, when my aunt mailed them to me. You see, every year my family writes these New Year's Resolutions/Goals and then my aunt mails them to us in the middle of the year so that we can see if we've made any progress (and catch up if we haven't). I am proud to say that I followed through (to a degree) on all of the goals I set for myself. It's also interesting to look at these goals and see a sample of what my concerns/interests were at the time of their creation. I will admit that the goal that carried the least of my resolve was item #4 and in a manner of speaking, #5. This is simply because after a while, I gave it all up to God and then later, moving out became this wonderful mess of fortuitous and blessed circumstance.

Today I sat with family and constructed my largest list of goals yet. Can you guess it? Fifteen. The number is daunting, but when I look at the list, each individual item seems challenging yet doable. One of my favorite items was to "a) do something new, b) eat something new, or c) go somewhere new every week." Sounds a little daunting (and expensive!), but I figure that 50% of the time I cook for myself, anyway, it's something new to eat. This particular goal sent me on a mission to construct yet another list with my cousin and aunts of new things for me to try. It was actually quite fun and exciting, dreaming up the little and big possibilities, and hearing my family volunteer to join me or help me. Some were quite ridiculous, though, like my aunts forcing me to add "Meet Miles Austin," the wide receiver for the Cowboys ("But that's impractical!" "What?! He's a regular guy! It could totally happen! Just put it down!") I'd love to share with you my list of goals and "sub-goals," but those will have to come at another time.

On another note, I'm ready to get back to being busy. (Apparently, I can only revel in being a total bum for about two days.) I'm tired of all the things running through (and falling out of) my head. Though I'm not ready to go back to my part-time job, I am glad that I'll be using my time to earn money instead of spending it. Worry has gotten the best of me these past few days, and I found it so refreshing today to discuss possibilities, goals, and dreams. It quelled all my thoughts of the worst possible outcomes, my limitations (present, future, real, or imagined), and fear. Oh Lord, do make me strong enough. Not necessarily strong enough to always win, but strong enough to find the will to do everything I can and strong enough to find peace, even if I have to surrender.
That, is my resolve.

Time

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:38:51 GMT

After reading nearly 500 pages of The Time Traveler's Wife, I am exhausted. The book is actually 518 pages long. I began the book, page by page, weeks ago, but didn't get very far because I was so confused at the presentation of book--- the story is told at different places, times, and from two different points of views. Finally, I was hooked. And so I've locked myself in for two days, doing nearly nothing but reading, especially today as I read straight from 11AM to this very moment. This must be what it's like to be a gaming addict. It's been a while since I've been so emotionally riddled by a book. For some reason, as I read, I dog-eared pages that contained passages that I loved and pages that contained passages that pained me to my core. Hrm. There are good reasons for why I don't allow myself to watch movies or read books that are too romantic (see "high emotion," not roses and kisses) because I become bankrupt by the emotional profundity of it all. Anyway, it was a good book but a little hard to get into at first because the numerous transitions can be quite confusing. I loved the snippets of what I am sure are epic poems and novels that were interspersed throughout. I loved that complexity of love and fate intertwined, that brings unimaginable devastation and highest joy all at once.

As the new year looms, or breaks as the dawn--however you view change, I am wondering. Fresh from my imaginary time travels and great romance, if I could be anywhere at this new dawn, where in time or place or with person would I be? What of you? When you long for that ultimate comfort and peace of being at Home, where/what/who/when would you be?
I think that I ask this because I'm finding myself very tired lately. I sleep endless hours and dream and lie in bed thinking of things other than the here and now. How can I explain it? At my very core, I think that I am quite happy with my life. I feel strong and proud of where I am and who I've become, but at the same time, I'm wishing for more---more health, more vitality, more time, more answers, and always---more sleep.

Happy New Year, everyone. I'll end the year with this frivolous post, and you can look forward to something more real to start off 2010. Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.

Much love and blessings,
Karen

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:39:44 GMT

"Don’t think that love, to be true, has to be extraordinary. What is necessary is to continue to love."
-- Mother Teresa

the problem with giftcards

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:29:54 GMT

My cousin Christopher sent out his wish list for his birthday and Christmas several weeks ago, only listing PacSun and iTunes gift cards as the things he wanted. I noticed that he wasn't having a birthday party with his friends this year, so my brother and I offered him two options as a birthday gift: a) quality time with us and his sister at Studio Movie Grill for a cousins' night or b) an iTunes giftcard.
He chose the iTunes giftcard.

What was funny was that my aunt offered the same thing at our joint family birthday party (mine was the 18th and Chris' was the 16th, so we always celebrate with the fam on the 17th). She had a box of donuts with a "surprise" inside or Studio Movie Grill with three of his friends. Well, after calling all of his friends, who appeared to be quite busy, Christopher rewarded his dearly loved cousins and sister with the dinner and movie. (Oh well, least I didn't have to pay.)

Anyway, my aunt left her alternate gift at my parents' house by accident, so naturally, my dad and I consumed the donuts (Who lets donuts go bad? I do nut! gahah) and I ended up finding the iTunes giftcard. I called my aunt and she said I could keep it.
Well, I usually obtain my music from three sources-- free downloading (most often), friends/family, or buying the occasional CD (rare). But I've been having poor luck finding many specific songs and/or little known artists that I like, besides that I've been experiencing extremely long wait times with my usual haunts, so this was a great (and guilt-free) option for me. But I've been sitting with this giftcard for several days now, still undecided how I should spend my valuable $15.
Should I buy a CD? That costs about $9.99-$13.99. Personally, if I'm going to pay that much I should just buy the CD and own the actual album (I love reading the lyrics, but few CDs include them these days.).
Should I just buy tons of songs? Where do I start?! I actually have a list of songs I've tried to download but never found. But precious money---are they worth spending the $.99-$1.29 on per song?

Oh the dilemma. I always have this problem with giftcards. I save them, as if they were to gain value with time, hoping to spend it on something really special. And then, time passes and I lose them or forget they even exist.

Back to the subject. I don't know what to spend my iTunes money on. A little help? I listed out all the albums I am interested in:

Boyz II Men's new Love album-- This was probably my first choice because I really want to support them, one of my top 3 artists/groups of all time! Although I looked the CD over and they are all cover songs! Good cover songs, at least, but it seems strange to me that a notable group is making an album completely of covers when it has been that new artists pay homage to them with covers of their songs. (Hope that sentence made sense.) However, I do love that they did "I Can't Make You Love Me," because I am currently obsessed with that song, and I'm learning to play it on the piano.
Leona Lewis- Echo
Alicia Keys- The Element of Freedom
Marie Digby- Breathing Underwater-- I loved her last album and because she is a new artist, I 'd like to support by purchasing her album but the reviews I've read from her fans are mixed (some saying she "sold-out," although sophomore books/albums/etc are always cursed, aren't they?).
Lady Gaga- The Fame Monster-- I was surprised to discover that I actually liked a lot of her songs-- "Paparazzi," "Just Dance," and "Bad Romance." (For me, three is a lot.) Usually, if I like about 3 or 4 of an artist's songs at face value, I decide to buy their entire album.
Kris Allen- Kris Allen
Norah Jones- The Fall
Dashboard Confessional- After the Ending

Merry

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:04:41 GMT

I finally filled all 8GB of my iPod nano.
Time to start deleting songs .

It's been a wonderfully busy past week or so. So much so that I think I became intoxicated with the elation and ended up very sleep-deprived then grumpy (Sorry, Mom.) Entering my 24th year of life, I am once again reminded how very blessed I am. I think sometimes I feel left out, or I become too eager for everything (and I mean "everything") to be just right, just perfect, but don't we all do that? Throw off our contentment and beg for something more (see previous post for a read-between-the-lines hint)?

Anyway, not enough time to right write now (harhar). Must fly, much like St. Nick. Which reminds me...

Merry CHRISTmas, everyone.

Just a thought.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:04:11 GMT

Is it still called "holding out," if no one's asking?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 03:17:47 GMT

"Nothing is so common as the desire to be remarkable."
-William Shakespeare

Wish List 2009

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 21:46:53 GMT

From looking back at my wish list from 2008, 29 out of 112 wishes were fulfilled this year! It's nice to know that not just the "little" wishes were granted, like going indoor rock climbing and finding my camera (stupid thing was sitting on the living room TV all that time!), but incredibly significant wishes were granted as well, like Ina meeting a great guy and getting engaged-- or a wonderful apartment and roommate(s!)--or forgiveness and wholeness (hugely significant to me!). I was very blessed this past year, in spite of and because of all these changes in my life and the lives of my friends and family. As is tradition with my dear girlfriends all these years, here is my wish list for 2009. I see that I have a lot of repeat items from year to year, which is kind of funny. Of course, some are practical, some are materialistic (I'm human), and some are more like far off dreams that I will probably always wish for:

A bed frame!
A nice watch that runs on solar energy--partially to go green, but mostly because I never replace watch batteries
Washer and Dryer set that works the first time you use them and don't ruin your clothes! Is that too much to ask?!
Red or avocado green Kitchenaid mixer
Burberry The Beat perfume
A Magnadoodle
Sex and the City Complete Series
An electric can opener- I can cook and I can bake, but 50% of the time I can't work a standard can opener!
Rosetta Stone program for learning Tagalog
Clinique face wash and moisturizer- I love the stuff, but it's a little pricey!
Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox
You've Got Mail DVD
Sleepless in Seattle DVD
Scrubs Season 8
Grocery gift card (preferably Tom Thumb)- what a grown-up thing to ask for!
Target gift card
For Biggie to not desperately need to run towards other people/dogs/squirrels/etc. while I am trying to run-- or to get Dog Obedience classes to teach him to run alongside me
Free rent, haha
^^ And make that free electricity and water, too, if I am wishing!
A great big hug that lasts all day...
Validation
Daisies or violet roses...or both!
A waffle maker in the shape of something crazy, like Hello Kitty...or Texas!
Dog food for Biggie
That I could see my closest in heart (yet furthest in distance) friends any time I wanted
Fun cousin reunions every year
A trip to Boston
A mixed tape from anyone's favorite songs!
Another Life Soundtrack from one of my friends or family members
One of my greatest wishes: Studio time with a full band and the sheet music of all my favorite songs!
To never have to clean my bathroom
To become a better cook and baker (or is it pastry chef?)
For my friend Stephanne to open her own cake business
For Joanne to get into grad school for academic advising and LOVE IT
For all my med school and grad school friends to do well, graduate, and love what they do
For my brother to find his passion in life
My mom and dad, together forever
For my grandmother to find more healing from my grandfather's death and claim her own path for the future
Less/no arguments between family members
For Virginia to have an amazing four years at A&M and to grow into a beautiful, healthy, smart woman
For Christopher to develop into a responsible but still fun-loving young man that pursues God's favor first
To be more thankful, more positive, more forgiving, and more at peace than ever before! Though I'm very proud of how far I've come!
For Nicolo to get into grad school for architecture
For Jenny to love where she is in Boston or for her to be transferred back to Dallas
A better, more mature singing voice
To learn a second song on the guitar! And a third, a fourth...
Find a great Bible study of friends that I can trust, love, and grow with
To finally feel like I really fit in a church family
For an amazing first job in May that can pay the bills, validates my love for speech-language pathology, and makes positive changes within my patients
To make a decision about where I want to live/work in May via my own/God's/fate's direction
For Julie to meet a guy to match her fabulousness (not a word, I know)-- that they always humble each other and lift each other up at the same time
For my mom to get the courage to pursue her masters and become a nurse practitioner
No car accidents!
Go to the concerts of Maroon 5, Tony Lucca, Sara Bareilles, Melissa Polinar, India Arie, Lauryn Hill, Chuck Coleman, James Morrison, Ben Folds, Journey and Ernie Halter
A refrigerator that dispenses water and ice (What? It would be nice to not fill up the Brita pitcher, right?)
To find my love knot ring that I lost so long ago (half silver, half gold---it was bought in remembrance of my grandparents on my dad's side)
The perfect mascara
Perfectly shaved legs always!
More opportunities to celebrate anything!
More cute guy sightings at my apartment, haha
A trip to the Philippines to see ate Jojo and meet my only god-daughter for the first time---There are no words for how badly I want this and how far away this seems!
To be loved by someone who is honest, funny, humble, kind, generous, loving, talented, smart, and a man of God. And that this fabulous love would last. Always.
Patience
For the pursuit of righteousness to not be so hard! haha
Better health for my mom
Continued good health for myself
For Cortney to have an amazing wedding and marriage that was worth all the wait
Pretty, shiny things =P
A day at the spa--complete with a full body massage, facial, and mani/pedi!
To finally get my hair cut and dyed
Safety for my friends/family in the armed forces
For the economy to get better
More heroes and heroines
That the world wouldn't be so obsessed with sex and money
Perfect hair, every day. (haha kind of a weird thing to write after all this idealism above, lol)
Knee-high black boots
That I would never feel jaded again. Or to be in "that place" ever again.
A buddy to take dance classes with
A non-stick pan that doesn't lose its "non-stickiness"
Less smelly dogs
For Biggie's solitary baby tooth to fall out so I don't have to fork over mass amounts of cash to my vet to remove it
New and outstanding songs and artists that bowl me over
More sleep
Better feet, knees, back, hands... Better body. Sometimes I feel too old.
Deep inner joy that cannot be shaken
To volunteer and commit to something that I can be passionate about
Health, prosperity, and protection for my ate Jo's family
To let go
Ability to pray and do a devotional every day. Well, let's be honest--- at least every other day...
More laughter and more real conversations
For Ina, Aissa, and Carlo's weddings to be beautiful =)
For the Deborah/Jimmy and Jessica/Ian to celebrate many anniversaries
Read more
Learn Tagalog
Conquer fears
Watch lots of musicals and plays!
To travel more
To be a better driver
To want less and appreciate more!

At least it's the weekend now

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:52:46 GMT

I just did all this data work today, creating these tables...and I just realized that I made a few errors that will make me construct this from scratch again Monday morning.

Frick.
Oh well. Time to clock out.

Pros and Cons

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 03:30:51 GMT

It's funny how good things and bad things can cancel each other out in one day...

- Woke up late from a bad dream this morning, which means less time spent studying
- Realizing that my phone deleted nearly all but 20 very old, random text messages
+ Realizing that 17 out of the 20 text messages left were those of love and encouragement (after my break up, after I won a scholarship and acceptance to grad school, encouragement, etc.) and feeling very blessed to have such amazing friends and family. My Blackberry must have a sentimental heart, yes?
- Taking a shower and blow-drying my hair, only to find out that I'm pulling out bunches of strands! (My mom said it's probably from the stress of finals and paper-writing. Let's hope so because I don't have much hair to lose!)
- Over-reacting to my hair falling out and thinking the time has come and I finally have lupus or some crazy disease. Perhaps stress is also why I got an ear infection?
+ Lunch with Julie at Panera
- Talking to Julie about how messed up relationships are
+ Getting an email from Jess saying that she is coming home for Christmas
- Taking my Voice exam and thinking I made a B-
+ Getting my paper right after the exam and getting a 100 on it and therefore an "A" in the class (what what!)
+ Hanging out with my mom and Biggie all afternoon, buying groceries and Christmas decor
+ Dinner with my family and my aunt
+ Decorating my apartment!

= Overall, a splendid day. (I love getting over drama, don't you?) As of tonight, I'm over my panic, my neuroses, and excited to begin my Christmas vacation from school! Here's my decorated apartment (so far! perhaps more to come?). I know it's not fabulous to look at it, but this is Christmas on a budget! (Good thing my parents' house has the big, real pine tree to decorate!) Yes, of course, I must decorate and take pictures immediately after.